[Fool. That's exactly what he is. He can't even deny Clive's claim when he wholeheartedly agrees. He feels ten again, all of a sudden, small despite standing just as tall as his older brother...but Clive's arms are big and protective. They shield him from everything, even now.
They shield him from himself.]
As am I.
[He chokes out, leaning into the touch at his hair, wanting to wipe the mess off his face but not having the strength to detangle his fingers from Clive's shirt to do so.]
I won't ever leave you again...I swear it. I promise Clive. I don't ever want to be parted.
[It doesn't matter how old he gets, whether this is an afterlife or not, or what the future holds in store for him...he refuses to face it alone without Clive at his side.]
[They physically can't stay like this forever and it's always possible - probable, even - that the two of them will be parted again, no matter how much they wish for the opposite. Even as they sit on the ground, awash with emotions, Clive feels exhaustion roll through him. His body sags despite the support he and Joshua provide each other by way of desperate clinging.
But he won't separate just yet. He can't. Joshua needs him, despite Clive having been a poor excuse for a brother all these years.]
To be your Shield is all I ever wanted.
[His arms continue to hold Joshua, the warmth emanating from his brother a comfort. It's a reminder that he is alive, at least while he resides here. Clive refuses to dwell too much on thoughts of his own life back home without Joshua's presence in it. Living for those first thirteen years without his brother had been like stumbling in the dark without the sun. Imagining countless years afterward without him again is too much.
Clive takes another halting breath but finally works up the strength to pull away enough to look at Joshua again. Nothing about this conversation has been pleasant and he won't pretend that it will get better, but looking upon Joshua's face is better than never seeing it again, tear-stained or not. His own face must look a disaster, but he ignores himself to instead take Joshua's face in his hands, gently rubbing his thumbs under his eyes.]
...I love you.
[His voice breaks on the last word and more tears track down his cheeks, but Clive remains visible. It's the truth. Joshua deserves nothing but.]
[He is warm. He is alive. They both are, somehow, but the why or mechanism behind it Joshua refuses to question for fear the blessing will be taken away from them both. He cannot even begin to think of letting thoughts of what he may do if Clive left him behind settle in his mind to take root or fester. No, he will not accept such a reality. Not now. Not after everything they've endured.
If he asked Clive to stay, he knows he wouldn't leave him...and while he gave him leave as he bled out before a cruel god in his arms, he isn't so inclined to make the same sacrifice twice. Surely he wouldn't be begrudged to be a bit selfish over this one matter.]
And you shall be. You still are, Clive.
[He softens under the lulling sensation of Clive's thumbs smoothing beneath his eyes. They're both a mess, his own face red and snotty and wet, but who cares? Little mattered beyond the fact that right here and now they had one another, alive and breathing. His lips crack into a smile as a hoarse laugh breaks free.
I love you.]
And I have never doubted it for a single moment. I love you, my brother, more than anyone else. I always have.
[Because as much as Clive couldn't bear to face a world where Joshua was not in it and had been left a husk of a man driven only by revenge, Joshua cannot imagine having to endure without his brother by his side. Not now. Not after everything.
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no subject
Date: 2024-09-25 11:30 pm (UTC)They shield him from himself.]
As am I.
[He chokes out, leaning into the touch at his hair, wanting to wipe the mess off his face but not having the strength to detangle his fingers from Clive's shirt to do so.]
I won't ever leave you again...I swear it. I promise Clive. I don't ever want to be parted.
[It doesn't matter how old he gets, whether this is an afterlife or not, or what the future holds in store for him...he refuses to face it alone without Clive at his side.]
You are still my Shield and I need you, brother.
[Now, perhaps, more than ever.]
no subject
Date: 2024-10-13 04:01 am (UTC)But he won't separate just yet. He can't. Joshua needs him, despite Clive having been a poor excuse for a brother all these years.]
To be your Shield is all I ever wanted.
[His arms continue to hold Joshua, the warmth emanating from his brother a comfort. It's a reminder that he is alive, at least while he resides here. Clive refuses to dwell too much on thoughts of his own life back home without Joshua's presence in it. Living for those first thirteen years without his brother had been like stumbling in the dark without the sun. Imagining countless years afterward without him again is too much.
Clive takes another halting breath but finally works up the strength to pull away enough to look at Joshua again. Nothing about this conversation has been pleasant and he won't pretend that it will get better, but looking upon Joshua's face is better than never seeing it again, tear-stained or not. His own face must look a disaster, but he ignores himself to instead take Joshua's face in his hands, gently rubbing his thumbs under his eyes.]
...I love you.
[His voice breaks on the last word and more tears track down his cheeks, but Clive remains visible. It's the truth. Joshua deserves nothing but.]
no subject
Date: 2024-10-17 11:24 pm (UTC)If he asked Clive to stay, he knows he wouldn't leave him...and while he gave him leave as he bled out before a cruel god in his arms, he isn't so inclined to make the same sacrifice twice. Surely he wouldn't be begrudged to be a bit selfish over this one matter.]
And you shall be. You still are, Clive.
[He softens under the lulling sensation of Clive's thumbs smoothing beneath his eyes. They're both a mess, his own face red and snotty and wet, but who cares? Little mattered beyond the fact that right here and now they had one another, alive and breathing. His lips crack into a smile as a hoarse laugh breaks free.
I love you.]
And I have never doubted it for a single moment. I love you, my brother, more than anyone else. I always have.
[Because as much as Clive couldn't bear to face a world where Joshua was not in it and had been left a husk of a man driven only by revenge, Joshua cannot imagine having to endure without his brother by his side. Not now. Not after everything.
They both deserved so much more.]